this thing called motherhood

I can't believe that the day I gave birth a year ago is quickly approaching. As I think back over this year I am almost in shock with some of the things that have occurred. I still wake up some mornings and think..."Do I really have a child?" And, "What am I supposed to do with him today?...All day...?" You might think I am crazy and don't really need to be a mother at this point in my life, but this is true. I can't believe God has put me in this position right now, when I didn't feel capable at all. Most days I go through thoughts of feeling inadequate, unintelligent, unable to love like I should, and unmothering. If I could count the times I've thought these things over the last year, I'm pretty sure the thoughts could create a river. All this to say, I am all these things, but there is good news for me and all inadequate mothers! God has equipped us. He gives us the tools to do our job well. My prayer is that I will continue to learn, especially in this season ahead where discipline must take charge. I want to learn to be a Godly mother that relys on God's grace so that I can show that same love to my little boy. My son, who most certainly needs grace, especially when he opens the kitchen cabinet and for the 100th time tries to take out all the cereal boxes!!! I also pray that this next year is a year of hope. A year that puts away my guilt and moves forward without timidity. For I am a child of the one true God and he gives me the strength I need to say, "Hey, you know what, I can do this thing called motherhood because You will teach me how and give me what I need to make it through just one day at a time." Thank you Lord, and Happy Birthday Manning!